tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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