do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
