my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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