Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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