alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
pop tarts are not kleenex
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize