The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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