Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
