My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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