Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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