one two three fourrrrnication!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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