dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
