sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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