I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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