when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
