no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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