life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
