so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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