Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
