who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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