I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
