Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
