i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
