I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
