I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
