Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
