I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
