The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
