Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
