Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
