So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
