i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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