he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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