That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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