This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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