Sry I called you an 8
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
