i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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