I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
