i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
