Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
