At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
