Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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