how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
