i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
