My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the condom got lost in my hair
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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