On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
