The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
