I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
