so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
