I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
