respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
