So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
