he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
