I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
