They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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