Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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