Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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