You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
