Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
