Say something about gay babies.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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