I cut my penus on the lid.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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