The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
