You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
