The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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