its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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