Just fell off a train. Bad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
