From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
either way he was missing a nipple.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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