you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
