I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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