remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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