WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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