i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
